


Cognizance

by xxvii



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Body Horror, Established Relationship, M/M, Realization, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 11:26:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3935104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxvii/pseuds/xxvii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uta never saw things from the other side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cognizance

The leftover merchandise, unsold despite their extremely low starting bids, were usually placed in a corner of the warehouse to be disposed of. Where exactly they were disposed, or what that even _meant_ , Uta hadn't known. It was never a concern for him, he had been there more for the fun of it all and less for the dirty work. _That_ was for someone else to worry about. Still, after each auction, he couldn't help but take a quick look at what was unsold. Sometimes he would buy one or two of them for himself, salvaging bits and pieces for any multitude of reasons, but more often than not he would just keep walking. 

He thought that night would be no exception. He couldn't quite remember what or who was being sold with such low starting bids, in fact most were listed in the catalog only and never formally offered to bid on. The selection was hardly impressive, humans considered "broken" or "past their prime", nothing or no one a ghoul in their right mind would pay a lot for. However, as cheap as they were, there were almost always leftovers.

Tonight had been an exception, Uta realized as he approached the corner where they had been kept. Where there was usually a crate full of the auction rejects, there was only a single human, sat in the corner unguarded. He couldn't tell much about them at first glance, as there was a dirty white cloth draped over their head and shoulders. They were shackled, though it was clear that they weren't going anywhere fast. The condition of their body was probably the sole reason why they were the only one that remained. Thin, broken, stinking of necrotic flesh. Uta had to laugh, they were just so pathetic.

"Why are you in chains, are you that good at hopping?" Uta teased, noting their missing leg as he got down on one knee in front of the human. In the dim lighting, he tried to get a better look at what was in front of him. A human, of course, but not much was left of them. Aside from their leg missing, an arm was severed at the elbow. A flare of annoyance went through Uta then, as whoever gathered the merchandise surely wasn't thinking clearly, and it was obvious that no one would want to purchase another ghoul's chewed up remains. "Did someone think you had any worth in this condition?" He muttered, more to himself than to the silent person. "There has to be something, right?"

Uta leaned in, inhaling their scent, and immediately froze. Whoever sat in front of him was dying, rotting from the inside out from their infected wounds, but it wasn't the smell of death that turned his stomach over. It was the familiarity of what was beneath, the nostalgic feeling that was suddenly invoked and memories of someone he hadn't thought of in a long time. Someone who disappeared so suddenly that he just assumed that they were killed.

"You..." He started to speak, but he wasn't sure of what he was going to say. Reaching over, he pulled the dirty white cloth away from the body. It was only then did he recognize that it was the standard white coat issued by the CCG. _Did someone think they would make a profit selling a maimed dove?_ "Hirako."

Pulling the coat away and revealing who it was beneath, Uta stood up, taking a step back. He dropped the coat to the ground, and could only stare at Take, taking in what was left of him, what had been done to him. There was no question that it was him, Uta recognized his face beneath the cuts and bruises easily. He had to be in immense pain, even Uta knew this, but his face was still set in that goddamned stoic expression. The same one that Uta had memorized with his lips and fingers, the expression he tried hard to change (and sometimes succeeded). Even with the damage to Take's body, missing an eye alongside his limbs, he gave no indication that he felt any pain, or anything at all. Only the labored rise and fall of his chest proved that he was still alive.

Uta thought he was going to be sick. 

"Who did this?" Uta asked, though he didn't expect an answer. Taking off his own mask, he got back down on his knees in front of Take. A thousand different feelings washed over him, but all he was able to focus on was his anger. "I'm going to find them and..." He couldn't finish his words, only able to clench his gloved hands into fists. Leaning forward, he tried to get a better look at Take's face, as if he could find any evidence of what ghoul had done this to him. "Are you still in there, Hirako? Who did this to you?" 

Take didn't answer him verbally, only opened his remaining eye and looked at the ground. He couldn't tell if Take was aware of his presence, his surroundings or what had even happened to him. Uta reached forward with one hand, placing his fingers under the investigator's chin and forcing him to look up. "Hirako?"

Take blinked, staring at Uta without a word or any indication that he had even seen him. Uta cursed under his breath, swearing again that he would find out who had done this and tear them to shreds.

"What you feel..." Take spoke suddenly, his voice low and rasping, as if he hadn't spoke in years. Uta leaned in closer, not wanting to miss a word.

"What I feel?" He asked, prompting him to keep going.

"You're angry."

"I'm more than angry, I am going to _destroy_ whoever-"

"You understand now." Take cut him off.

Uta didn't answer, trying to understand what Take had meant. Of course he was angry, but what was it that he was supposed to understand? He began to wonder just how lucid he was given his current condition, and if he was just going to be saying strange, disjointed things. 

Take closed his eye, letting his head hang forward again. "It's why we do it... the CCG..." He took a deep, shuddering breath. It was apparent that speaking was becoming more and more difficult for him. "Now you know. What you do to humans...this is what it feels like. Now you know how it feels."

Uta didn't answer for a long time, unable to come up with words. He repeated what Take had said to himself over and over, letting the words sink in. He began to understand what he had meant. This is what humans had felt like upon finding out that ghouls had killed or harmed their loved ones. This anger he was feeling, the rage with the undertones of sadness and helplessness, is this what he was doing to others? _This_ is how he made hundreds of humans feel, this terrible mix of emotions?

That's just the way things had to be, he tried to reason with himself. Ghouls and humans just couldn't coexist without harming one another. Ghouls needed to eat to survive, humans needed to defend their own survival. It was the way for nearly all species on the planet. Why did it have to be more complicated than that? Why was he suddenly feeling regret over it all? Uta almost wanted to direct some of his anger at Take for making him feel this way, but knew that it was pointless.

"Hirako?" Uta said, noticing that the investigator hadn't tried to say anything more. "Hey, we have to do it, both sides, why bring feelings into it?" He stopped himself from saying anything else. Instead he reached over to Take again, putting a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. "Come on, wake up now, I'll take you home."

He didn't answer, and Uta hadn't expected him to. 

"Nobody bought you, so you're still mine," Uta forced a smile onto his face, trying to ignore the way Take's head suddenly lolled to the side. "don't worry about your limbs, either. They can make you new ones." Uta slid his hand from Take's shoulder to his neck, his fingers unconsciously trying to feel for a pulse, telling himself that he couldn't feel anything because of the way he was leaning, that's all. "Take?"

He didn't wake up. He didn't move, or speak, or breathe again. Take was gone, and his last words had echoed through Uta's mind once more, and he knew they would for a long, long time. 

_Now you know how it feels._


End file.
